In this month’s post, I thought I would just touch on a few pointers about listening/ communication from my monthly Leadership topic discussion.
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The following may seem obvious, but here were a few recommendations offered in the session:
1: Have something worth saying.
You’re considering saying something. You want to communicate it, but wait! Have you critically considered the value of saying it? Does it progress the discussion in a meaningful way?
2: Don’t be afraid of silence.
When communicating and listening, it’s reasonable to want to think both about what you’re saying and what you’re interpreting. It’s perfectly reasonable to need to stop talking while you are thinking and therefore silences are likely during effective communication and listening.
3: Don’t dominate the conversation.
Imagine a conversation or discussion as a tangible set of resources. The more you talk, the more ownership you have of the conversation. If you own 90% of a conversation and your partners own the other 10%, how invested do you suppose your partners feel in this conversation?
The more you encourage your partners to engage, the more ownership of that conversation they have. They’ll invest more in their ownership, allowing more effective communication and listening!
4: Don’t argue.
This was a simplified recommendation. If you have a different opinion, present it as such without triggering defensive mechanisms with direct responses such as “you are wrong!” or “I disagree!” Being directly argumentative displays antagonism and makes communication and listening more difficult. Simply express your differing opinion with facts, but keep in mind these other recommendations.
5: Avoid buzzwords, cliches, and euphemisms.
Especially in workplaces with more diverse demographics, using such words or phrases can make your intended messages ambiguous – they do not carry any meaning on their own. Depending on your message’s recipient’s interpretation of your metaphors rather than saying what you need to say clearly and directly may also paint you as intentionally deceptive or vague.
6: Use simple words.
You are trying to convey a message, not produce a great work of literary or spoken art. Say what you need to say in unambiguous language.
7: Vary your intonation.
This is a bit less straightforward, but don’t overthink it. Monotone speech can be distracting and/or fail to maintain interest/ attention.
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Two tips for being more present in a conversation
1: When you begin a conversation, imagine you’re turning off a switch that relates to the last task you were doing and imagine turning on a switch that relates to the conversation you’re in.
2: Consciously recognize when your thoughts interrupt your attention and choose to return your attention to your conversation.
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Listening Skills
Obviously, these pointers encourage improved listening and should help facilitate better communication as well!
Attending
Do:
- Respond to the speaker in ways that indicate your attention.
- Maintain eye contact.
- Lean forward.
- Use responsive body language (nodding, etc.).
- Ask questions.
- Search for meaning in body language, tone, eyes, word choice.
Don’t:
- Day dream.
- Try to finish sentences.
- Interrupt.
- Think about your response before they are done talking.
- Outright give up on paying attention.
Reflecting
- Verify what was heard.
- Clarify what was meant to be conveyed.
- Consider content, emotion, or behavior being expressed (and clarify if that is what was meant to be conveyed or if something may be unintentionally hidden).
- Try to put yourself in their perspective.
72 Airman's Writings 