June 2025: Patterns

In this post:

Another look at improving self-awareness with a focus on personal patterns.

—

So far, this series of posts has covered Values, Passions, Aspirations, and Fit.

This post is about Patterns.

The next and final post will be about Reactions.

Breaking the pattern established by the first four posts of this series, there will only be two questions this time:

1 If you had to describe your personality in five words, what would you say?

2 What events or types of situations seem to cause you the most stress or put you in the worst mood?

A Pattern for this post’s purposes is simply something that repeats.

1 If you had to describe your personality in five words, what would you say?

Upon reading this question, I instantly found myself wondering what a few specific people in my life might say if asked to describe me with a single word: Aloof. Sarcastic. Critical. Kind. Odd. Verbose. Funny. Annoying. Smart. Well-Spoken. Asshole?

I’m also amused that my index cards of questions do not appear to have any accompanying index cards of answers.

While this question could be interpreted as “describe your personality using five words,” I am interpreting it as “describe your personality with five individual words.”

The five words I would use as of the day I am writing this post are as follows:

Stubborn. Confident. Striving. Patient. Curious.

Stubborn: I tend to pursue a path of action until I think I’ve seen sufficient evidence of its invalidity. I also tend to avoid taking actions I probably should for basically the same reason.

Confident: I think this often plays with my stubbornness. I generally believe I can do most things if I spend enough time and effort on them. I’m also very comfortable expressing my thoughts, though I admit this does not necessarily always apply to expressing my feelings.

Striving: I am often dissatisfied with the present and almost always looking to the future. Things can always be better. I need to prepare for or work toward the next thing. After working through high school to finally becoming an Air Force officer, I actually had something of an existential crisis. I’d finally done what I’d set out to do with my life and did not have an immediate next Thing to pursue besides “Retire from the Air Force.” I got better.

Patient: I’ve worked to amplify this in my life over time. I still get frustrated, but I believe that is rarely apparent to the individuals I am frustrated with. It helps to keep in mind that we all only have so much influence and control over various elements of our lives.

Curious: I am less curious than I used to be, and definitely less curious than I want to be. I recognize part of the truth that “ignorance is bliss” but I still want to know stuff despite the horrors of knowledge. I feel curiosity is critical for growth.

What words would you choose today to describe your personality?

2 What events or types of situations seem to cause you the most stress or put you in the worst mood?

I think I’ve become relatively calloused at this point in my career. Things may regularly annoy me, but that doesn’t mean I normally feel stressed or even in a bad mood, per se.

That said, I think I feel worst when I feel like I do not have correct or sufficient context or information for something I have a very limited time to address.

Considering the answers of the first question, I feel like that makes perfect sense.

I’m curious, and not knowing something simply because the information is being held behind a gate of some kind is a painful experience. 

When time is limited between when I realize I need to know something and the point in time demanding I know that thing, patience is crushed. 

When faced with such circumstances, my striving energy generally suffers. I don’t always expect to know everything I need to know in a given time frame, but running into seemingly unnecessary obstacles when pursuing a goal is extremely frustrating.

Being confident is okay to a point, and I am comfortable admitting when I do not know something. However, even if I recognize that gaining certain information is likely out of my control, I know that continuing to execute my mission depends on that withheld information. Being unable to proceed toward a goal often feels like a fault, which whittles at my personal confidence.

Being stubborn probably helps me endure difficult times, honestly.

I think combining curiosity with patience goes a long way to letting me ask (or repeat!) questions, but when the ground truth remains out of reach, it’s difficult not to stare angrily into an abyss of ignorance, hoping for answers that will never materialize.

Closing Thoughts

Just asking these questions on their own does not seem as potent as some of the earlier sets of questions. As far as self-reflection goes, I think it helps to ponder these questions along with a view of the activities you normally do or often enjoy.

If you often recognize that your personality and the work you do tend to be in conflict – you’re regularly unhappy, regularly frustrated – maybe you should seek something that aligns better with who you find yourself to be.

Finally, just because a pattern exists does not mean it must continue. If you don’t like something about your life, disrupt the pattern’s momentum and make a change! That’s easier said than done, but maybe it’s easier done than you think it will be.